When facing adversity, we are offered two choices, to own the cruelty life can serve up, or to turn and run from these challenges, avoiding the difficult reckoning.

Parents are not meant to outlive their children.

This year would have been my son’s 18th birthday, and while he is not with us, we continue to celebrate his life together as a family as we have done each year by making and enjoying a birthday cake. His birthday always presents a wide variety of emotions which have a tendency to create irritability, lack of concentration, to at times become more sullen and contemplative. I have found that at times I feel that I must press on and present a brave face. 

I have always chosen to share my story openly, at times with complete strangers, in an effort to live life in an authentic way. Not to garner sympathy, but to offer others an opportunity to further understand and deepen our relationships. After sharing my story I have been often met with astonishment that I have been so open with such a tragic loss. 

This approach may not work for everyone. Other parents who have lost children may remain more private or be more grief stricken in their loss. Not everyone will be as open as I am. Some may choose to run and disappear into their grief or choose other means to suppress the pain.   

We are reminded of him each day with the few photos we proudly display and before bed as we pray. Reflecting on his birthday every year, now so many years later, I am reminded that my friends are understanding, that I have an opportunity to take the day off and to fully experience my emotions: to extend myself enough grace to take the day off from the distractions of work.